Mary, in Need of Belle Page 6

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  Mary’s Diary – April 6th

  The music is gone now. Queenie burns no more smoke. She only sleeps now. Even the young ones suspect death is coming to take Queenie away.

  Maybe I am more selfish than Queenie thinks. I am not concerned for Queenie’s soul. I don’t know if she leaned towards the wicked or the good. Let Queenie’s spirit haunt however it must.

  I’ll worry about my spirit instead. I don’t think I had the chance to decide whether I wanted to lean towards the wicked or the good. I wonder if I’ll linger like a shade around the neighborhood, if my wisp will be able to watch my sisters grow when the wind doesn’t toss me around. Or maybe I will go straight to heaven and just wait for my sisters.

  I don’t know, and I’m scared.

  But I know what I will do. I’ll do it for my sisters. I’ll do it so that the twins will not feel the touch of an uninvited hand, so that Mindy doesn’t forget how to laugh, so that Lucy will be able to practice her shapes until they turn into letters and thoughts.

  I won’t ask to be invited back. Kay does not choose men wisely. I guess the men choose her, so that Kay hardly has much choice for herself. I don’t know. It will have to be Belle who is left to look after my sisters. They need Belle more than they need me.

  So I think this page is my last. Perhaps they will think I have only changed. I doubt if anyone other than Queenie will know I left.

  And I think that’s the cruelest part of it all.